Confusion

What do I think? What do I feel? Perhaps I'm not even sure myself.

Every now and then, I see and understand a lot of things. But the next moment, it all becomes so overwhelming again that everything is a blur and nothing makes sense. No matter how little or how much I think, there are still a million unanswered questions and a million problems that will never be solved. Perhaps I am not trying hard enough. Perhaps I am thinking too much.

I should be used to all this by now, for it's the second time around. But I can't help feeling. And I can't help feeling even more than before. Am I angry about the way things are? Or am I upset that I cannot have what I want? I cannot tell the difference anymore. It just hurts all the time. Perhaps I need to teach myself to stop feeling.

Can I choose to not think, and not feel? It's all too much. I don't know how long I'll last. But how can I stop when the mind has no choice but to keep going, and the heart refuses to stop?